is knowing that you will have to say goodbye." - Jonny Kennedy. 2003
Last night I watched a most amazing television show. It was called "The Boy Whose Skin Fell Off." It is the story of the last four months of life for a 36 year old Englishman from Anwick who suffered from a malady that caused his skin to blister and fall off after even the slightest of touches. It is called EB (Epidermolysis Bullosa). (see www.debra.org.uk) He was born with the disease and lived through 36 years of agonizing pain, only to be told that it was a form of cancer in his chest that would eventually kill him. In these last four months he wanted to accomplish certain things that would better others with his disease and experience things that he had not had a chance to experience yet. But the film was not about his affliction, but more about his planning his own passing, the lessons he had learned in life, the people he touched, and his dealing with his own demise.
While watching it, I found myself in envy of this "degrading" person who suffered everyday, lived with pain his entire life, was never able to physically grow up, could not experience life as a normal person, but yet had more faith, composure, empathy, and wisdom than someone twice his age. His attitude toward life, and more importantly, death was amazing. To be as comfortable with one's own passing as Johnny Kennedy was with his has to be the result of a profound faith in God and the afterlife, a reassurance that you have lived your life as well as you could, and understanding that this current life is only part of a longer journey. He said something interesting in the program. "It is a truly selfish person that thinks that this life is all there is. That after you live there is nothing else." He then went on to say that life is just long big lesson and that it is essentially your "training ground" for what is to come. There has to be more to all this suffering and pain and all these lessons we learn as we pass through life. It must all be for some reason.
During the program he also dealt with planning his own funeral. It was his opinion that death, like living, is all part of the same cycle and it is something that is part of life, and if we just organized it like we organize and plan everything else, it will all be taken care of and done right the first time with no stress and confusion caused to those remaining. It makes sense and is something I have always thought about in a small way. I have even, in the wee hours of the morning or at quiet times such as during deer hunting, I think of what my funeral is going to be like. It changes each time I think about it, but I have a pretty good idea of what I would like. I am not about to detail it here and now, but maybe sometime in the future I will right it down and leave it somewhere for family and friends to follow. I do know there will be music, celebration and fire involved. This is all I will say for now. What I am saying is that I learned alot from watching this one hour program, and I think others would learn too. Death is not something that can be avoided, and isn't necessarily an event to look forward to, but at least it is something that should be considered and comtemplated at lenght at some point in your life.
As I think more on this little documentary of Jonny Kennedy's last four months on Earth, I am sure I will understand more about my envious feelings and may or may not learn more about my feeling on death and afterlife, but one thing I am sure of is that I am coming to a point in time where saying goodbye is going to be something that is frequently unavoidable. I am not trying to be morbid or anything like that. I plan on being around a very long time and an expecting everyone else I know to do the same, but I do know that I need to be ready and willing to say goodbye, because in the end, it is only a temporary separation. And if I cannot say "goodbye", then how will I be able to say "hello" again?
later.... not goodbye.
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Alive while driving...
I have been without a motorcycle now for a little more than a year now and I recently was able to ride my friends bike for more than around town. Having not been on one for this long, and then getting back on one, I think I have rediscovered the reason I like riding a motorcycle. Simply, I am actually taking an active part in the driving of this machine. I don't have a radio to distract me. You can't really talk to another person. You certainly cannot talk on a cell phone!! You are far more aware of the road and the other vehicles around you. You feel the process of driving, and you actually have to use your body to make the bake respond the way it is supposed to. My guess is that this is alot of what racing drivers feel everytime they get behind the wheel. My concetration level goes way up, and I actually enjoy the ride.
Sometimes, it can be a rough ride and not all that pleasant but those times are usually few and far between. And sure, sometimes you get wet or cold, but that is part of it. It is kind of like camping. You have to learn to deal with it, otherwise you might as well not go.
Driving a car has very little to do with the driver anymore. If it did, why would there be GPS systems, sound systems that rival home studios, and need I mention, video systems? My parents car even beeps when they get to close to something! No need to be a good driver, just listen to the car and it will tell you what to do. You don't even need to use the gas hardly! Yeah, it is a comfortable ride, but is it driving?
I think that is why motorcycle owners like riding their machines. It lets them take control. It lets them feel alive while driving. It can be more dangerous, but usually, accidents involving motorcycles are usually the fault of someone driving a car, and I bet those drivers are distracted by something in the car, or they have become so bored with driving, they don't notice the other people, most particularly motorcycles, on the road with them. (START SEEING MOTORCYCLES!!)
I hope to have a motorcycle of my own again soon. I hope to feel like I am really driving a vehicle again soon. I love my truck, but a bike is far more exciting to drive.
Later!
Sometimes, it can be a rough ride and not all that pleasant but those times are usually few and far between. And sure, sometimes you get wet or cold, but that is part of it. It is kind of like camping. You have to learn to deal with it, otherwise you might as well not go.
Driving a car has very little to do with the driver anymore. If it did, why would there be GPS systems, sound systems that rival home studios, and need I mention, video systems? My parents car even beeps when they get to close to something! No need to be a good driver, just listen to the car and it will tell you what to do. You don't even need to use the gas hardly! Yeah, it is a comfortable ride, but is it driving?
I think that is why motorcycle owners like riding their machines. It lets them take control. It lets them feel alive while driving. It can be more dangerous, but usually, accidents involving motorcycles are usually the fault of someone driving a car, and I bet those drivers are distracted by something in the car, or they have become so bored with driving, they don't notice the other people, most particularly motorcycles, on the road with them. (START SEEING MOTORCYCLES!!)
I hope to have a motorcycle of my own again soon. I hope to feel like I am really driving a vehicle again soon. I love my truck, but a bike is far more exciting to drive.
Later!
Monday, June 13, 2005
A HALO Movie!!! Way Cool!
In a recent post on the Yahoo site, http://news.yahoo.com/s/eo/20050610/en_movies_eo/16734 it was announced that there is the potential for a Movie starring every XBOX gamers favorite Marine, Master Cheif Spartan 117, of HALO fame! This would rock! It of course needs to be done correctly for it to do any kind of justice to the best video game of all time! (so far!) It will have to have a kick butt actor, or truly state of the art CGI rendering for the lead character, a story line that develops the Master Cheif from his beginnings to the end of the game, as we know it, and powerful soundtrack, and lots and lots of action. Think the last Star Wars movie only cranked up to eleven! Hopefully the deal will work out. There are already a number of HALO movie groups out there sending all kinds of stuff to the powers that be. Hopefully they will listen like Peter Jackson listened for the Lord of the Rings movies. When directors make movies to please fans and not simply themselves, then everyone wins! It almost needs some like Ang Lee, Jackson, Ridley Scott or Jerry Bruckheimer behind this movie to give it its full potential! Hopefully the 2007 relase date stated will come true! Gamers really do run the entertainment industry!
I have the same feeling about this as I did when I heard that the Lord of the Rings movies were a possibility
Later!
I have the same feeling about this as I did when I heard that the Lord of the Rings movies were a possibility
Later!
Friday, June 10, 2005
Stream of Concienceness
Back in my high school education, for an English assignment, we had to do a writing project using stream of concience as our only tool. It was cool. Reading some of my friends, and my own stuff was pretty weird... the things was to just write whatever came to your mind. At times it can be quite revealing! That being said, here goes another attempt at Stream Of Concienceness writing!
Why the hell am I doing this. Like I have nothing else to do with my time! Dang, my back hurts. At Karate last night I got to be the test dummy and got twisted and banged around alot, but you know what, I probably learned more than the rest of them. Karate is cool. I don't know how long Julian and I will be in it, but I would like to see both of us advance at least to the brown belt level. It is a good way to build self confidence, assurance of safety, and keep in shape. Speaking of shapes, I have noticed something lately. Crop tops and beer bellies. Those hip hugger jeans, the ones that ride dangerously low on the hips and the mid-rif exposing shirts that alot of the ladies are wearing, they are great! I am all for them. Someone deserved to get rich for creating them. However, I see alot of girls wearing them around campus and town who should not be. They are wearing them and exposing not a nice flat tummy and slender hips but a spare tire and a beer belly that would rival many guys. Just because you see it at a store and can afford to buy it, does not mean you can wear it! Come on! If you want to wear the stuff, then at least look fit enough to wear it! I don't think that flabby male stomachs and belly rolls sticking out of shirts is appealing to many women, and I can safely say the same can be said the about mens opinions of women. It ain't sexy! Get in shape! A flat tummy is sexy. Male or female. I would not like to be out of shape and over weight. I love scaring squirrels and small dogs. They always seem like they are a few minutes away from a full blown heart attack. I know that sounds mean, but eh, who cares. One of my volunteers told me earlier today that she and her husband are splitting up. What is the deal with that? Is it our society, our values, or just that splitting up is so easy anymore and there is no real stigma attached to it anymore. I am glad that my parents never split. I don't think anyone in my family has ever split up. I cannot be totally sure, but it seems like that is a correct statement. No one in my family has ever had.. nope, not true. My cousin Mark split from his first wife. And my neice Shannon.., although a marriage that lasted less than a year and begun when you were 16 was not likely to survive. Most of us hoped for the best but it did not last. She is much better off now anyway so maybe it was a good thing. Another good thing is gaming. I will be gaming tonight. Looking forward to it. I kind of like being a gamer geek. Nothing to be embarassed about. There are more of us than most people realize! Just don't wear it on your sleeve or make it the only thing you do or talk about and people will not look at you funny. It is kind of like religion. Don't push it where it is not wanted and usually it will be okay. Not that I think religion is something that people can do without. I think everyone has some kind of religion they hold close. They may not think they do, but it is there. I wonder if my daughter is practicing riding her bike. I hope she can do it all herself soon. I am pretty hard on her getting her to learn, but she is doing it. I would like to see her take off on her own! We can then go bike riding! It will probably cost me money. I need more money. I need, no I want a new motorcycle. I don't need one. I want one. You have to have goals! That is mine. Another goal I have is to reach a physical goal by my 40th birthday. I want to be able to bench press 230 lbs or more by October. Right now I can 190lbs about 6 times. It is a goal so that it keeps me going back to the gym to stay in shape. Staying in shape after 40 is alot harder if you are not in shape by the time you get there. So I am starting now. Fortunately, I have stayed in shape most of my life... thank my dad for those genes. Maybe I will buy hip hugger jeans and a crop top. Never mind. I would like to go camping. Camping where there were no cub scouts or planned activities. Be it with just family or with friends, I would like to go camping. I would like to go camping with just my son sometime. I think it would be cool. Someplace out of the way. I need to start making plans for vacation and for my birthday. man I have a bunch of stuff to get done this summer. Drives me crazy all the stuff I have planned. I need to say no more often. I need to remember my resolution! Say no! No! No more writing. I'm Done.
Well, that was useless.
Why the hell am I doing this. Like I have nothing else to do with my time! Dang, my back hurts. At Karate last night I got to be the test dummy and got twisted and banged around alot, but you know what, I probably learned more than the rest of them. Karate is cool. I don't know how long Julian and I will be in it, but I would like to see both of us advance at least to the brown belt level. It is a good way to build self confidence, assurance of safety, and keep in shape. Speaking of shapes, I have noticed something lately. Crop tops and beer bellies. Those hip hugger jeans, the ones that ride dangerously low on the hips and the mid-rif exposing shirts that alot of the ladies are wearing, they are great! I am all for them. Someone deserved to get rich for creating them. However, I see alot of girls wearing them around campus and town who should not be. They are wearing them and exposing not a nice flat tummy and slender hips but a spare tire and a beer belly that would rival many guys. Just because you see it at a store and can afford to buy it, does not mean you can wear it! Come on! If you want to wear the stuff, then at least look fit enough to wear it! I don't think that flabby male stomachs and belly rolls sticking out of shirts is appealing to many women, and I can safely say the same can be said the about mens opinions of women. It ain't sexy! Get in shape! A flat tummy is sexy. Male or female. I would not like to be out of shape and over weight. I love scaring squirrels and small dogs. They always seem like they are a few minutes away from a full blown heart attack. I know that sounds mean, but eh, who cares. One of my volunteers told me earlier today that she and her husband are splitting up. What is the deal with that? Is it our society, our values, or just that splitting up is so easy anymore and there is no real stigma attached to it anymore. I am glad that my parents never split. I don't think anyone in my family has ever split up. I cannot be totally sure, but it seems like that is a correct statement. No one in my family has ever had.. nope, not true. My cousin Mark split from his first wife. And my neice Shannon.., although a marriage that lasted less than a year and begun when you were 16 was not likely to survive. Most of us hoped for the best but it did not last. She is much better off now anyway so maybe it was a good thing. Another good thing is gaming. I will be gaming tonight. Looking forward to it. I kind of like being a gamer geek. Nothing to be embarassed about. There are more of us than most people realize! Just don't wear it on your sleeve or make it the only thing you do or talk about and people will not look at you funny. It is kind of like religion. Don't push it where it is not wanted and usually it will be okay. Not that I think religion is something that people can do without. I think everyone has some kind of religion they hold close. They may not think they do, but it is there. I wonder if my daughter is practicing riding her bike. I hope she can do it all herself soon. I am pretty hard on her getting her to learn, but she is doing it. I would like to see her take off on her own! We can then go bike riding! It will probably cost me money. I need more money. I need, no I want a new motorcycle. I don't need one. I want one. You have to have goals! That is mine. Another goal I have is to reach a physical goal by my 40th birthday. I want to be able to bench press 230 lbs or more by October. Right now I can 190lbs about 6 times. It is a goal so that it keeps me going back to the gym to stay in shape. Staying in shape after 40 is alot harder if you are not in shape by the time you get there. So I am starting now. Fortunately, I have stayed in shape most of my life... thank my dad for those genes. Maybe I will buy hip hugger jeans and a crop top. Never mind. I would like to go camping. Camping where there were no cub scouts or planned activities. Be it with just family or with friends, I would like to go camping. I would like to go camping with just my son sometime. I think it would be cool. Someplace out of the way. I need to start making plans for vacation and for my birthday. man I have a bunch of stuff to get done this summer. Drives me crazy all the stuff I have planned. I need to say no more often. I need to remember my resolution! Say no! No! No more writing. I'm Done.
Well, that was useless.
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