D-I-V-O-R-C-E

I found this while in a discussion about Concealed Carry in Illinois.

Right Vs. Left Divorce settlement:

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950’s, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let’s just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up this country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don’t like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we’ll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O’Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).

We’ll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeboys, hippies, and illegal aliens. We’ll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO’s, and rednecks. We’ll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we’ll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we’ll help provide them security.

We’ll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We’ll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Volkswagon you can find.

We’ll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the national anthem. I’m sure you’ll be happy to substitute Imagine, I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya, or We Are the World.

We’ll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we’ll keep our history, our name, and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I’ll bet you which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda with you.

Don't know Jack Shit? You do now...

For some time many of us have wondered who is Jack Shit? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, "You don't know Jack Shit!" Well, thanks to my efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way. Jack Shit is the only sone of Awe shit who married No Shit. Inturn, Jack Shit married No shit. The couple had six children: holy shit, Giva Shit, Fulla Shit, Bull Shit, and the twins, Deep Shit and Dip Shit. Deep shit married Dumb Shit, a high school dropout. After 15 years, Jack and No Shit got divorced and she married Ted Sherlock, and became No Shit Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Shit married Lotta Shit and had child with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Shit. Fulla Shit and Giva Shit married the Happens brothers in a double wedding. Bull Shit traveled the world and returned home with an Italian bride; Pisa Shit.

So from now on, no one can tell YOU that you Don't Know Jack Shit!

Zoom Zoom

Take a look at these babies! I think they might actually have a real market if the price were dropped!

This is why you should be reading Joe Abercrombie...

Just a snippet from the Joe Abercrombie book: Best Served Cold. The entire book is just one good snappy paragraph after another and the action scenes are even better!



"How's watching your men fall off a wall going to help?" asked Shivers.

Cosca shrugged. "It will wear down the defenders, deny them rest, keep them guessing and distract them from any other efforts we might make."

"Lot of corpses for a distraction."

"Wouldn't be much of a distraction without them."

How do you get men to climb the ladders for that?"

"Sazine's old method."

"Eh?"

Monza remembered Sazine displaying the money to the new boys, all laid out in sparkling stacks. "If the wall falls, a thousand scales to the first man on the battlements, hundred each to the next ten who follow him."

"Provided they survive to collect the bounty." Cosca added. "If the task's impossible, they'll never collect, and if they do, well, you achieved the impossible for two thousand scales. It ensures a steady flow of willing bodies up the ladders, and has the added benefit of weeding the bravest men out of the company to boot."

Shivers looked even more baffled. "Why would you want to do that?"

"Bravery is the dead man's virtue," Monza muttered. "the wise commnder never trusts it."

"Verturio!" Cosca slapped one leg. " I do love an author who can make death funny! Brave men have their uses but they're damned unpredictable. Worrying to the herd. Dangerous to bystanders."

"Not to mention potential rivals for command."

"Altogether safest to cream them off." and Cosca mimed the action with a careless flick of two fingers. "The moderately cowardly make infinitely better soldiers."

Shivers shook his head in disgust. "You people got a pretty fucking way of making war."

Winter War Convention 37

This last weekend, I had the fortunate opportunity to spend time with friends and family at the gaming convention called Winter War. It has been going on for 37 years now, and it has come along way from the rough and tumble con that was held in the Foreign Languages Building on the U of I campus. Currently it is held in the Hawthorne Suites in Champaign, IL. and it is a terrifically run convention. Granted, it is not a huge convention, with only about 300 people attending, but it is one of the best. The goal of the convention organizers is to allow people to play games, and it succeeds in that exceedingly well. There is a smattering of dealers, enough to handle your desires, should you find yourself absolutely needing the game you just played. They have a incredible auction of used games that you can get just about anything at a terrific price, but what they do best, is offer a huge number of various games that you can sign up for and play all weekend long. It is a gamers game convention. Unlike the bigger ones, you will not find a library of games to play or test, but you will find those games that really hold a place in the hearts of the gamers that come every year. Unfortunately, that can make the con a bit harder to enjoy for the casual gamers, like my wife, but I think that things are changing and more and more people are bringing more "user-friendly" games to the con for people to play. (Not that she doesn't enjoy it!)
But what I really found this weekend, was that the con is not so much a time to play games or check out something that interests me, it is more of a chance to reconnect with those people I dont' see enough of, or face off against the people I only see at the con, across the field of battle called the gaming table. My kids are now part of this con. My son is familiar with many of the people at the con, and my daugther is eagerly embracing the whole gamer girl persona. (Hopefully without the bad hair, awkward social behavior, and poor clothing choices.) It is a time to socialize while competeing with other gamer friends, and make connections that, oddly, have helped me in my non-gaming world. What are games when you take the competition element out of them? They are a simply reason to get together and socialize. Some people claim that gamers are non-social creatures, but I disagree. They are very social. How else can a real gamer who is not social, ever manage to bring themself to interact with total strangers for an entire weekend? I hold, that those people that don't socialize well in groups, but yet are gamers and somehow have been held up as the model for gamers, are probably not social in general, gamer or not. But, I digress...
The weekend was great, I had a great time with my family, (although I would like it to have some of those games my wife enjoys more) and I made some new friends, reconnected with old ones, and strengthened the bond with current friends. Maybe that is why I like gaming so much. I am a very social creature and I love to play games.
Anyway, I ramble on. I have provided some photos from the con for you to enjoy.



This is the opening move (albeit blurry) of the game Circus Maximus, a chariot racing game. As you can see, it is quite crowded and the end result is abstract bloodshed!



Here I am, late at night with two of my favorite gaming partners! We were playing Battlestar Galactica: The Board Game.



The game Battlestar Galactica is one of the best games I have ever encountered. It looks complicated, and maybe at first it is, but it makes for one of the best unintentional role playing board games ever! Ask me later what that means.



Just one of the massive miniature games going on at the convention. This one represented the D-Day landings of June 1944. The game started at 9am and finished sometime after 8pm.



One of my new gaming buddies. During the Kobolds Ate My Baby game, he found the spoon of Cthulu! He was a happy man. What a silly game.



Just more of the silliness that is Kobolds Ate My baby. Chickens, Goats and Kobolds! Oh My!!