"To accept what's to come...

is knowing that you will have to say goodbye." - Jonny Kennedy. 2003

Last night I watched a most amazing television show. It was called "The Boy Whose Skin Fell Off." It is the story of the last four months of life for a 36 year old Englishman from Anwick who suffered from a malady that caused his skin to blister and fall off after even the slightest of touches. It is called EB (Epidermolysis Bullosa). (see www.debra.org.uk) He was born with the disease and lived through 36 years of agonizing pain, only to be told that it was a form of cancer in his chest that would eventually kill him. In these last four months he wanted to accomplish certain things that would better others with his disease and experience things that he had not had a chance to experience yet. But the film was not about his affliction, but more about his planning his own passing, the lessons he had learned in life, the people he touched, and his dealing with his own demise.

While watching it, I found myself in envy of this "degrading" person who suffered everyday, lived with pain his entire life, was never able to physically grow up, could not experience life as a normal person, but yet had more faith, composure, empathy, and wisdom than someone twice his age. His attitude toward life, and more importantly, death was amazing. To be as comfortable with one's own passing as Johnny Kennedy was with his has to be the result of a profound faith in God and the afterlife, a reassurance that you have lived your life as well as you could, and understanding that this current life is only part of a longer journey. He said something interesting in the program. "It is a truly selfish person that thinks that this life is all there is. That after you live there is nothing else." He then went on to say that life is just long big lesson and that it is essentially your "training ground" for what is to come. There has to be more to all this suffering and pain and all these lessons we learn as we pass through life. It must all be for some reason.

During the program he also dealt with planning his own funeral. It was his opinion that death, like living, is all part of the same cycle and it is something that is part of life, and if we just organized it like we organize and plan everything else, it will all be taken care of and done right the first time with no stress and confusion caused to those remaining. It makes sense and is something I have always thought about in a small way. I have even, in the wee hours of the morning or at quiet times such as during deer hunting, I think of what my funeral is going to be like. It changes each time I think about it, but I have a pretty good idea of what I would like. I am not about to detail it here and now, but maybe sometime in the future I will right it down and leave it somewhere for family and friends to follow. I do know there will be music, celebration and fire involved. This is all I will say for now. What I am saying is that I learned alot from watching this one hour program, and I think others would learn too. Death is not something that can be avoided, and isn't necessarily an event to look forward to, but at least it is something that should be considered and comtemplated at lenght at some point in your life.

As I think more on this little documentary of Jonny Kennedy's last four months on Earth, I am sure I will understand more about my envious feelings and may or may not learn more about my feeling on death and afterlife, but one thing I am sure of is that I am coming to a point in time where saying goodbye is going to be something that is frequently unavoidable. I am not trying to be morbid or anything like that. I plan on being around a very long time and an expecting everyone else I know to do the same, but I do know that I need to be ready and willing to say goodbye, because in the end, it is only a temporary separation. And if I cannot say "goodbye", then how will I be able to say "hello" again?

later.... not goodbye.