Have I seen the future?

As of the time of writing this blog, my father is undergoing a below the knee amputation. The amputation was a long time in coming and probably should have been done months ago. For the last few months my father has suffered from pulmonary stasis, which, due to a very severe lack of blood flow in his lower extremities, causes him great pain and has brought on the development of gangrene. He has lost a few toes, and now, in order to stop the gangrene and pain, he will be about 10 lbs lighter and half a leg short. He was ready for this, after much soul searching and much pain.

I brought him in today at 5am through driving snow and slick roads. While waiting for the prep room he needed to use the bathroom. I don't know if he knew it or not, but while doing so, he was taking a leak for the last time on his own two feet. I recognized the significance of it, but I don't think he did. And while in bed, spasms of pain would shoot through his leg and I would have to massage it and rub it to get the blood to flow and decrease the pain. Aside from the doctor, I would be the last person to touch or rub his leg to make it feel better. While doing this, he would fall in and out of sleep while we waited for the nurse or the doctor to prep him.

While he slept I got to watch him and think about what he has been through in the last 10 years or so. Many, many years ago, it was discovered that he had a deformed kidney, but it was working for the most part and nothing was made of it. Then in the last 15 years or so, the doctors found that he had an aortic aneurism that needed repaired. These are found more often than not in people over 65, so it was repaired and the danger of a burst aorta was avoided. But then the problems really set in. My father has been a life long smoker, and avid fan of Old Milwaukee beer, and like all good Germans, he appreciates the heavy food of the Old Country. I think these vices caught up with him after many years. He has never been overwieght, but was never really someone that looked out to keep himself physically fit. His job was one of hard work, where being inactive was not an option, so in a way, was "fit."

The first of the problems to manifest itself, was Macular Degeneration, a vision impairement problem that steals your center vision. We had never heard of it before, but were very knowledable about it in very short order. It is a disease that at this time is no cure for, and can only be held off, not avoided. It is said to be hereditary, but that is not confirmed, and it is said to be more common in blue eyed people, but almost as many "other" colored eyes have it too. More likely than not, it is matter of past health, sun exposure to the eyes, smoking and diet. Anyway, my father now, has nearly no sight other than some peripheral.

Additionally, about 8 years ago, after a trip out of state, my father comes back suffering from the beginning effect of renal failure. Scary thing, renal failure. when your kidneys go, it affects your mind. Seeing my father in a delusional mental state was the scariest thing I have ever seen. Long story short, he has been on dialysis now for about eight years. He never wanted a kidney transplant because he did not want to bother anyone else with his problems. The problem with that idea though is that most people do not stay on dialysis for eight or more years. Dialysis, over time, can destroy your circulatory system. And that leads to it's own set of problems. Most of which my father is experiencing now.

He has no teeth left. They rotted out of his head due to the dialysis treatment. He has become physically weak, due to the sapping of energy from the treatment. His remaining eyesight was compromised. His appetite has ceased to exist. His stomach is prone to uclers and internal bleeding which at one point, caused a mild heart attack. His skin has become so thin, a band-aid can flay his skin as easily as a filet knife. And now, he has gangrene infections from the deteriorated circulation in his feet. Hence the amputation.

As I sat there and watched him, I thought, is this my future? I have every intention to live well into my 100's and be living well. But did my father think the same thing when he was in his 40's? What can I do that he did not so that I can prevent all the maladies that have befallen him? Many times, my father stated that he would rather die than continue to suffer anymore. But each time he said that, my family would respond that he is still with us for a purpose. What purpose? To show us how long a man can suffer and remain in pain before he has had too much? To show us that we need to appreciate our healthy years and plan for the sick ones? Or maybe to show us that our bodies are our responsibility and that they are gifts that need to be cared for and maintained.

My blood relatives are very healthy people who live well into their 80's and sometimes 90's. But my father is the one that has been given all the ills that usually are spread out among a number of people. Almost like he was the one to take all the ills and carry them for everyone else. Don't get me wrong. I am not comparing him to a Christ like figure, but more like a informational poster board showing all the things that can go wrong if you take your life, your body and your health for granted.

I am in my 40's. I weigh only about 10 pounds more than I did in High School, and I think that is because of added muscle, not fat. I still wear the same pant and shirt sizes as I did in 1983. I have never smoked, drink strong alcohol rarely, don't really like beer, and have a glass of wine maybe every other day or so. I don't think I over eat or eat unhealthily. I can still run a mile in 7 minutes or under. I work out at the gym 3 days a week and can bench press close to 200 pounds or more. My eyesight is good, hearing okay, and I rarely get sick. Hell, I still am CMV negative in blood type, something most people lose by the time they are in their 20's. I am extremely happily married and love my family. I like my job. I live where I live. And I still have goals and future plans.

So does all this mean I can avoid that which has plagued my father for the last 10 years or so? Or is it that, no matter what I do, I cannot control my fate? Like I said before, I intend to live well into my 100's. Anything less I will consider a rip off. So rather than leave fate to decide my future I plan on doing everything that my dad did not do. I don't know if any of you have older parents, but watching them deteriorate from strong vibrant people in the space of a few years is not a pleasant thing. I am close (physically and emotionally) with my parents and it is a tough thing to handle. Sometimes I even came close to hoping dad's wishes would come true, but I never crossed that line.

And now as I come to the end of this writing, I don't know why I am writing it other than as a way to get it off my chest and out in the open instead of bottled up. They say getting your emotions out is good for you. Well, I hope this helps a bit. And I think that after all this, I have come to believe that no one can take their life and health for granted. Take care of it, because beleive me, you do not want to spend your retirement going back and forth to doctors and hospitals. I want no part of it. When it comes time for Reaper to catch up to me, I want that mother-fraker to be panting, out of wind and drop dead tired.

Later...

Good Luck America!

We now have a new president of the United States of America! Personally, he is not the guy I would have wished in the office, but in America, leaders are elected, good or bad, by the people. We do not put people in office by the use of a gun barrel and threats. Leave that for the third world countries and those places less civilized. Every four to eight years we do this peaceably, calmly, and without bloodshed. That is what is truly cool about this country.

Obama is now president and alot of people have put their hope in them. I hope he is half as good as his supporters say he is and not nearly as bad as his detrackers say he could be. If we get that, we will have a good President. Obama is as far as I am concerned, untested and unready, but he seems willing to give it a go anyway. I am tired of the deification of him before he has even done anything. Let him achieve something before you start claiming him as the new messiah. I hope his advisors are the smartest people in the country. We need smart people now. We need people who want to help Americans, not just the people of a particular party, income level or race.

Whatever happens, I hope that only the best happens for my country. We are on the ropes now and need to stand up and steady ourselves. I don't know if Obama can do it, but I can only hope. Succeed or fail, it is in his hands now. He will be working with his own party, a party known for tearing itself apart when it has the power in its hands. I hope he remembers that there are more than just one set of party ideals represented in Washington. If he does not, he will fail in what he promises to do. We will become more divided. We will move ever closer to be a divided union like that one of 140 plus years ago.

We as Americans need to do what needs to be done to make this a better place. We need to manage ourselves better. We need to raise our kids better. We need to work together better. We need to be better Americans. We need another Greatest Generation.

They say that Obama is the new chance for America. I say they are wrong. We have a new chance every day we wake up. What we do with that day makes all the difference. We can keep on doing what we have or we can decide to make a change. If it takes a new president to start people up, then so be it. But you can talk all you want about change, but if you only talk, then no change will come.

Stand up Americans. Time to take back the place in the world that we worked so hard to get. We deserve it.


Later.

An interesting, yet unsatisfying weekend...

Let's see, I helped do cleanup on a new business starting in town, gamed with some friends, sent my wife off to a girl scout activity, went to church and Sunday school, helped my mom and dad out at home, stood in audience while my son became married,had sex and became a father in a XBOX video game, attended a Boy Scout committee meeting, and watched a movie with my wife all this weekend, but it still felt like I did nothing of much importance or quality.

I just can't lay my finger on it, but the weekend felt like a wash. All these things should have made me feel rewarded but they didn't. My wife's excursion to the Girl Scout activity was almost a disaster due to lack of planning on part of the hosts and organizers, and the game I was running just didn't turn out as fun as I would liked it to have. (And how can you not have fun with half a dozen kobolds running around trying to kill each other in order to eat babies?) Going to church on Sunday morning was good but at Sunday school I was all set to have a youth meeting with the kids, but found out it was put off until next week. So instead we went out for breakfast. We did have a very kind person pay for all of our meals without us knowing about it, so that was a reward in itself.

And helping my folks out really does make me feel good, but this time, because I know what I am doing in more in preparation for my father losing his right leg due to complications of ill health, I just was not feeling good about it.

Then my son is playing Fable II (a video game on XBOX) and he takes his character into the actions that get him married, buying a house, and having sex and making a family, which by itself was hilarious because he was so embarassed about it, but I could have turned it into something about life learning. Instead I went and made supper.

The movie was good and I always enjoy hanging out with my wife to watch a movie. It is part of what we do as a couple. But even that was kind of a let down.

I think it is because over the weekend and last week, a number of things, from friends in emotional strife, to my dad's ill health, and the ever-present gray frozen condition of Central Illinois, I just could not really enjoy this weekend, and that sucks. This was a great weekend, I just could not see it for all the downers that surrounded it.

Sorry for the complete uselessness of this blog post, but I just wanted to get it off my chest. Next weekend will be better.

later!

How happy are you?

I heard this morning while listening to the news, (I never really get to "watch" the news as I am making lunches and dancing around a very happy German Shepard at 6am) and thought I would look into it. This page: Pew Research Graphs gives you a bunch of graphs that demonstrate happiness among Americans. It has 30+ different types of American's status' , affiliations, or demographics that are graphed when they were asked, "How happy are you." It is interesting to note that Conservatives are more happy than Liberals, more money can apparently buy happiness, and the older you get, the happier you are. (I guess I will be a laughing fool by the time I am 100 years old.) What I am disappointed in is that dog owners are 1% less happy than cat owners. What is up with that?! I know this report is from 2006, but it was news today, so I pass it along to you.

Later!