Have I seen the future?

As of the time of writing this blog, my father is undergoing a below the knee amputation. The amputation was a long time in coming and probably should have been done months ago. For the last few months my father has suffered from pulmonary stasis, which, due to a very severe lack of blood flow in his lower extremities, causes him great pain and has brought on the development of gangrene. He has lost a few toes, and now, in order to stop the gangrene and pain, he will be about 10 lbs lighter and half a leg short. He was ready for this, after much soul searching and much pain.

I brought him in today at 5am through driving snow and slick roads. While waiting for the prep room he needed to use the bathroom. I don't know if he knew it or not, but while doing so, he was taking a leak for the last time on his own two feet. I recognized the significance of it, but I don't think he did. And while in bed, spasms of pain would shoot through his leg and I would have to massage it and rub it to get the blood to flow and decrease the pain. Aside from the doctor, I would be the last person to touch or rub his leg to make it feel better. While doing this, he would fall in and out of sleep while we waited for the nurse or the doctor to prep him.

While he slept I got to watch him and think about what he has been through in the last 10 years or so. Many, many years ago, it was discovered that he had a deformed kidney, but it was working for the most part and nothing was made of it. Then in the last 15 years or so, the doctors found that he had an aortic aneurism that needed repaired. These are found more often than not in people over 65, so it was repaired and the danger of a burst aorta was avoided. But then the problems really set in. My father has been a life long smoker, and avid fan of Old Milwaukee beer, and like all good Germans, he appreciates the heavy food of the Old Country. I think these vices caught up with him after many years. He has never been overwieght, but was never really someone that looked out to keep himself physically fit. His job was one of hard work, where being inactive was not an option, so in a way, was "fit."

The first of the problems to manifest itself, was Macular Degeneration, a vision impairement problem that steals your center vision. We had never heard of it before, but were very knowledable about it in very short order. It is a disease that at this time is no cure for, and can only be held off, not avoided. It is said to be hereditary, but that is not confirmed, and it is said to be more common in blue eyed people, but almost as many "other" colored eyes have it too. More likely than not, it is matter of past health, sun exposure to the eyes, smoking and diet. Anyway, my father now, has nearly no sight other than some peripheral.

Additionally, about 8 years ago, after a trip out of state, my father comes back suffering from the beginning effect of renal failure. Scary thing, renal failure. when your kidneys go, it affects your mind. Seeing my father in a delusional mental state was the scariest thing I have ever seen. Long story short, he has been on dialysis now for about eight years. He never wanted a kidney transplant because he did not want to bother anyone else with his problems. The problem with that idea though is that most people do not stay on dialysis for eight or more years. Dialysis, over time, can destroy your circulatory system. And that leads to it's own set of problems. Most of which my father is experiencing now.

He has no teeth left. They rotted out of his head due to the dialysis treatment. He has become physically weak, due to the sapping of energy from the treatment. His remaining eyesight was compromised. His appetite has ceased to exist. His stomach is prone to uclers and internal bleeding which at one point, caused a mild heart attack. His skin has become so thin, a band-aid can flay his skin as easily as a filet knife. And now, he has gangrene infections from the deteriorated circulation in his feet. Hence the amputation.

As I sat there and watched him, I thought, is this my future? I have every intention to live well into my 100's and be living well. But did my father think the same thing when he was in his 40's? What can I do that he did not so that I can prevent all the maladies that have befallen him? Many times, my father stated that he would rather die than continue to suffer anymore. But each time he said that, my family would respond that he is still with us for a purpose. What purpose? To show us how long a man can suffer and remain in pain before he has had too much? To show us that we need to appreciate our healthy years and plan for the sick ones? Or maybe to show us that our bodies are our responsibility and that they are gifts that need to be cared for and maintained.

My blood relatives are very healthy people who live well into their 80's and sometimes 90's. But my father is the one that has been given all the ills that usually are spread out among a number of people. Almost like he was the one to take all the ills and carry them for everyone else. Don't get me wrong. I am not comparing him to a Christ like figure, but more like a informational poster board showing all the things that can go wrong if you take your life, your body and your health for granted.

I am in my 40's. I weigh only about 10 pounds more than I did in High School, and I think that is because of added muscle, not fat. I still wear the same pant and shirt sizes as I did in 1983. I have never smoked, drink strong alcohol rarely, don't really like beer, and have a glass of wine maybe every other day or so. I don't think I over eat or eat unhealthily. I can still run a mile in 7 minutes or under. I work out at the gym 3 days a week and can bench press close to 200 pounds or more. My eyesight is good, hearing okay, and I rarely get sick. Hell, I still am CMV negative in blood type, something most people lose by the time they are in their 20's. I am extremely happily married and love my family. I like my job. I live where I live. And I still have goals and future plans.

So does all this mean I can avoid that which has plagued my father for the last 10 years or so? Or is it that, no matter what I do, I cannot control my fate? Like I said before, I intend to live well into my 100's. Anything less I will consider a rip off. So rather than leave fate to decide my future I plan on doing everything that my dad did not do. I don't know if any of you have older parents, but watching them deteriorate from strong vibrant people in the space of a few years is not a pleasant thing. I am close (physically and emotionally) with my parents and it is a tough thing to handle. Sometimes I even came close to hoping dad's wishes would come true, but I never crossed that line.

And now as I come to the end of this writing, I don't know why I am writing it other than as a way to get it off my chest and out in the open instead of bottled up. They say getting your emotions out is good for you. Well, I hope this helps a bit. And I think that after all this, I have come to believe that no one can take their life and health for granted. Take care of it, because beleive me, you do not want to spend your retirement going back and forth to doctors and hospitals. I want no part of it. When it comes time for Reaper to catch up to me, I want that mother-fraker to be panting, out of wind and drop dead tired.

Later...